Train Man

  Train Man

  Train Man

  Nakano Hitori

  Translated by Bonnie Elliott

  ROBINSON

  London

  Constable & Robinson Ltd

  55–56 Russell Square

  London WC1B 4HP

  www.constablerobinson.com

  First published in Japan by Shinchosha Publishing 2004

  First published in the UK by Robinson,

  an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd, 2006

  Permission for this edition was arranged through The English Agency (Japan) Ltd

  Copyright © in English translation: Constable & Robinson Ltd 2006

  All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in

  Publication Data is available from the British Library.

  ISBN-13: 978-1-84529-351-2

  ISBN-10: 1-84529-351-7

  eISBN-13: 978-1-47210-784-8

  Printed and bound in the EU

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Contents

  Mission 1 Emergency Request [Help me with dinner]

  Mission 2 I’ll Just Hold on Tightly to You

  Mission 3 She Pulled My Hand Lightly

  Mission 4 The Time for the Cups have Arrived

  Mission 5 Stop Leading Me on So Much

  Mission 6 The Miraculous Final Chapter

  Post-fin ‘You Were Trying So Hard ....’

  Mission

  1

  Emergency Request [Help me with dinner]

  Comments posted by a Geek thread netizen:

  731 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:25

  Sorry. I may end up betraying you guys.

  I’m no good at writing so don’t know how well I can tell this story.

  Damn. This thread’s got something going on . . .

  May the force be with you . . .

  No way could anybody have known that this board, commonly composed of banal postings, was about to morph into a support group and fan club for Train Man.

  732 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:27

  freakinfrakinfreakinfrakinnnnnnnn

  733 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:28

  what’s goin’ on man?

  734 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:28

  >>731

  did you get a girlfriend?

  737 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:33

  >>734

  sadly no. But something really big came up. This kind of stuff sounds too much like I’m making it up. Anyway, the point is that you guys really need to get out more . . .

  738 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:35

  sorry. Ok, I thought about it some more and it’s actually not such a big deal . . .

  Deep breath . . .

  739 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 21:36

  >>737

  how many times have I typed this,

  d.e.t.a.i.l.s por favor

  740 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 21:38

  >>739

  It’s gonna come out all weird.

  But I’ll try anyway.

  I’m usually the one reading, not posting . . .

  So don’t take the piss . . .

  749 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 21:55

  I went to Akihabara today. Not that there was anything I wanted to buy. Anyway, on my way back there was this old drunk guy on the train. Other than the old geezer and myself, all the people sat in our car were women.

  20s–40s I reckon.

  Anyway, he started harassing the women in our car.

  First he tried to harass this girl but she wasn’t having it and got off at the next stop. I watched him out of the corner of my eye thinking what a creep he was.

  Then the guy comes over to where I was, right in the centre and leans over a group of older women. ‘Don’t even think about using your mobiles coz I’ll ’ave you!’ he goes, scaring the shit out of the women. They were like – all silent.

  Ok this might turn into a long one.

  763 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 22:15

  >>761

  I’m not sure if it’s going to lead to anything but . . .

  If only I’d had the balls . . .

  All right, I’m gonna write through it. Get it together.

  766 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 22:23

  The old dears sat very still with their heads down ‘Best not to notice him’ was the idea.

  Then the guy started on about ‘Women should shut up and do what a man says’ and he pushed his hand into one of the ladies’ faces and grabbed her chin.

  I couldn’t just sit back anymore so I forced myself to shout ‘Hey, stop it!’ My voice was probably shaking.

  You know, I’ve never even been in a fight.

  But the guy apparently didn’t hear me so there was no response.

  ‘Hey! Mate! I said cut it out ameghrrrghrrr!’ I stood up and did my best to yell out a second time. Then one of the ladies looked over at me and said ‘don’t worry, we’re fine’ trying to calm me down.

  The guy finally realised what was going on and turned round. ‘What are you staring at me like that for eh?’ He glared at me.

  He staggered over.

  ‘Hhhow f@*%ing old are ya?’

  ‘I’m 22!’

  ‘I’m f@*%ing 60 arraghrrrgftttt’

  I couldn’t make out half his words but basically, he was telling me I was a young punk or something.

  ‘So you want some of this? Eh? Some of this?’

  The old geezer was ready to fight.

  ‘Huh? What are you talking about. I’m gonna call the police.’

  ‘Go the f@*% ahead and call the police rrrghh.’

  He started swinging his arms around stumbling about. While he swung his arms, he must have lost his balance because he side-swiped a woman. It wasn’t a major slap or anything but still.

  Um, how do you cut a long story short . . . ?

  766 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 22:37

  ‘Oh!’ said the woman as she pulled back.

  I jumped up and grabbed the man by his arms.

  One of the older ladies got up to call the conductor.

  Then a businessman in his late 20s who was in the car in front of us noticed the commotion and came over to help. Seeing the geezer and me grappling the businessman got behind the guy and put him in an armlock.

  ‘All right, mate, all right. Just don’t take it out on the boy.’

  You could tell this businessman was a bit older and knew a thing or two. I mean he knew how to calm the situation down.

  ‘I’ll keep him right here so you can sit down now.’

  I was pretty worked up, really pumped, so this business man even calmed me right down. And wouldn’t you know it the old guy didn’t even put up a fight. Maybe he knew he wouldn’t be able to beat the guy which means, damn it, that he thought I was gonna be a pushover.

  I sat down next to a woman who said ‘What a nuisance’ to which I replied

  ‘Yes, absolutely’

  Why I couldn’t say something wittier, I’ve no idea.

  I’m tired . . .

  779 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 22:52

  >>767

  It was really just like that . . .

  I’m so lame.
/>
  The suit was so cool.

  After a while the conductor turned up.

  When the conductor told the old geezer ‘We’re going to have to release you to the police so you’ll have to get off at the next stop’ the geezer threw a fit.

  Because of the police, me, the girl sitting next to me, the older ladies and the geezer all got off at the next stop.

  Then the conductor said

  ‘I’m gonna go and call the police so hold onto him for me will you?’ and rushed off somewhere. Leaving me and the ladies with the old guy. How mad is that. So I grabbed hold of the geezer’s arm but he yelled back at me saying ‘Don’t you grab me, I ain’t going nowhere!’ and started making a scene. None of the posers that passed us by even offered to help . . . (´▪ω▪`)

  So I just held onto the old man who kept trying to run away and finally 2 or 3 policemen showed up.

  ‘This old man?’ they asked me. As soon as I replied yes, they moved mad-quick dragging him into an office. So we all followed.

  After we all showed them our IDs they asked all the women ‘do you want to press charges?’ and they all said ‘no, thanks’.

  I told them I wasn’t hurt in the scuffle.

  780 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 23:06

  Even if it wasn’t handled as a proper crime there was a load of paperwork that needed to be filled out so we followed them to the police station.

  On the way there:

  ‘I’m sorry, it’s my fault it snowballed into this.’ The older ladies had a while to go before their stop but they all laughed and said ‘No biggie, don’t worry’

  At the police station, the old man got taken to a room in the back.

  I heard him yelling and then an angry yap from a cop.

  ‘We’re gonna squeeze him dry wrwg’ The policeman laughed.

  As I watched the women scribble out the police forms I felt guilty again, thinking about how I should have just kept my mouth shut. If I had, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I bowed to them and apologised.

  ‘There aren’t many young men like you out there you know’ said one of the older ladies. And I felt ten feet tall.

  Just a bit more.

  Tho you guys know how it ends already.

  789 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 23:24

  Don’t know why or how, but I asked the policeman ‘Um, am I allowed to go now?’

  To which the policeman replied ‘Of course, you’ve given us all we need. Thank you so much.’ I mean, he thanked me. And then the ladies also bowed deeply and thanked me.

  ‘If it’s ok with you, could you give us your name and contact information?’ said one of the older ladies.

  I wrote my name and address in her notepad.

  ‘Excuse me, could I also have . . .’ the girl who sat next to me asked.

  And then added ‘I’d like to be able to return this favour soon’

  To which I babbled like an idiot ‘no, god no, oh no thank you’ and then quickly added ‘right then, I’m sorry about all of this, the fuss . . .’ and promptly legged it.

  That’s the end of it.

  I realised later on how stupid am I for not asking for their contact information . . .

  I’ve never been thanked by a woman before so . . .

  I got so nerrrrrrrrrvousssssss

  792 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 23:27

  >>789

  You gave them your address, right?

  Then there’s no need to worry coz they’ll come over to your place with a thank you gift.

  793 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 23:27

  Well your address is probably one in a list of many guys!

  Even so, you’ve scored quite big for a Geek

  811 Name: 731 Post Date: 14/03/04 23:40

  Man, I’m so exhausted from my day. It was filled with stuff I never ever do . . .

  And guys, thnx for reading my terrible writing.

  I’ll let you know if I hear from one of the ladies. Will definitely report.

  (´▪ω▪`)

  >>805

  I wanted to but it just so happened that there were only women in my car The suit looked to me like a g-o-d

  If he hadn’t helped out I’d probably have been beaten to a pulp Would have been quite a scene . . .

  Laters

  812 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 23:42

  I think it was pretty gutsy of 731 to go up against a drunk.

  Maybe it’s weird of me to say when I wasn’t even there but . . .

  Isn’t it kind of an extension from basic, social, common courtesy, no?

  815 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 14/03/04 23:45

  >>811

  I think it was pretty damn heroic of you

  Tell us as soon as something new develops

  762 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 15/03/04 19:08

  thanks for listening yesterday.

  It’s only been a day so nothing new to report.

  You’re asking about what the older ladies and the young woman looked like, any special features

  I can’t remember very well so I’ll write without getting into the details, ok.

  Older ladies

  There were three in all and they were in their 40s

  But all very classy-looking

  Girl that sat next to me

  Probably in her 20s. But looked older than me. Between 22 and 25.

  Celebrity traits, well, I don’t know many celebrities . . .

  She had longish brown hair, was a bit on the skinny side.

  Wasn’t too flashy or too boring and seemed well put together in a pretty-pretty kind of way.

  777 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 15/03/04 19:27

  >>772

  I’m your basic Akihabara roaming techie . . .

  Age = how long I’ve been without a girlfriend

  Definitely a no sexperience virgin

  You know what tho, I’m gonna try.

  I’m gonna try to use that courage that came to me on the train

  But even if something did happen with that girl that sat next to me

  No way . . .

  No way could we walk around town together or anything

  780 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 15/03/04 19:32

  Putting the calling and no-calling aside, you’ve really stepped up dude.

  I don’t have it in me to do what you did, Mr Godman

  783 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 15/03/04 19:36

  >>780

  Of course I thought that this was my chance

  I’ll step in to save them

  ↓

  they’ll be grateful

  ↓

  they might want to thank me

  ↓

  I’ll hurriedly report it to this thread

  ↓

  fantastico

  I shall report as soon as something happens. Laters.

  The Geeks and Train Man himself weren’t expecting any great changes in their near future. But . . . the first sign of change turned up in a box.

  587 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 16/03/04 18:58

  I received a letter today.

  I don’t know if it’s from an old lady or the girl but from the envelope and stationery as well as the handwriting, I think it’s the older lady.

  It basically thanked me for the other night and from the sound of it, she was the one that was directly harassed by the old man.

  I’m thinking about writing back . . .

  But as you know, my writing skills are . . . a bit shabby . . .

  I will try me best to write . . .

  623 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 16/03/04 19:43

  Just now I received a little package and letter from the girl.

  They were teacups. She thanked me in the letter.

  She wrote ‘I sat next to you that night’ so I’m pretty positive about it.

  Supa cute envelope, stationery and handwriting! (;˚∀˚)=3 hubbahubba

  And it smells kinda nice too pant pant D
amn. I’m getting all feverish. Gotta take a chill pill.

  624 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 19:45

  >>623

  chill man, the smell is definitely your mind playing trix do her words smell at all like there may be more to come?

  625 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 19:45

  >>623

  if the package was delivered by courier service then you got her numba?

  628 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 16/03/04 19:52

  >>624

  more to come . . . ?

  let me share a sentence

  ‘I was moved by the courage you displayed.’

  That’s about it . . .

  >>625

  you is right, it is on the waybill itself . . . woawoawoa

  629 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 19:52

  631 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 19:54

  ahh . . . yeah . . . well . . .

  It seems like a near impossible feat to push the relationship any further?

  632 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 19:54

  >>628

  you have to call up your courage again. Take two.

  643 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 16/03/04 20:00

  Oh no . . .

  Things are a bit crazy right now

  No way could I call a girl . . .

  650 Name: 731 aka Train Man Post Date: 16/03/04 20:03

  Seriously, I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to do!

  Am I supposed to call right away?

  653 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 20:04

  Calling would be too sudden, no?

  But it’s a difficult situation so you have to be a bit pushy or it won’t go any further.

  Why don’t you say something like ‘Seeing as we met under such unusual circumstances, what would you say to getting together for dinner sometime soon’

  656 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 20:06

  >Train Man

  Hold it. How many cups did you get?

  661 Name: Anonymous Post Date: 16/03/04 20:11